I can’t believe I’m still alive.

But somehow…god. Somehow.

It’s been a while. I’ve spent longer without posting. I guess. But this time, my excuse isn’t lazing around. It’s being in the hospital. I still am.

I’ve been putting off posting for a while now, I’ll admit. Partly out of paranoia that I’ll be found again. The first week and a half I was here, though, I was either in surgery or in a coma most of the time. I guess that’s to be expected when you get beat to hell and back, though.

But I’m awake now. And I just want to get all this off my chest or whatever. Not really. Whatever. I’m just gonna stop whining and tell you what happened on that goddamn day already.

Moonshine’s mom died pretty early in the day. She called me about it, woke me up. You pretty much saw that post already. About an hour after I made it, Moonshine still hadn’t come out and that’s why he was able to ambush me. I dunno how he got in. Well, I do know; he dresses like a goddamn doctor enough, I guess the other doctors just ignored him.

I’m talking about Dr. Synergy, by the way. As I was coming back from a temporary absence from the door (if you must know, it was because I was in the bathroom), he managed to come up behind me and kick me straight up in the back. Before I was able to get a mental hold on my wristbands, his combat boots came down on first my right knee, then my left knee. He…pretty much broke them straight off.

I was pretty out of it with pain by then, but I knew my knees would heal and I’d be able to get him back. I had to. But I didn’t. You know why?

Because he had a hacksaw in his hands that I didn’t know about until he brought it down on my wrist. And then my other wrist. I remember screaming. Not much else. And I remember the sound of his voice in my ear, his raspy giggling off-kilter voice, ranting about something different than his usual nonsense.

He was ranting about Ruby Justice this time. Y’know, of the All-Star Corps. He kept saying how he’d lost her and would never get it back and how it was all my fault. That was my first clue. As to who he really is, I mean.

All I remember after that is blurs. Being kicked around. An elephant stomping on my chest. Not really. But it felt damn near like one. Moonshine coming out of the hospital room, decked all in her superhero gear (easy for her, she carried it everywhere in her bag, which I probably should’ve done, but lucky I didn’t cuz that means it’s still in one piece, unlike me). I remember her flying Dr. Synergy into a wall and out into the sky. Then I remember waking up in the hospital bed with a headache the exact size of Belgium, my legs and chest in matching casts, and no hands.

You might be wondering how I’m typing this if I have no hands. Aha, well, I do have hands now. They’re not real. I wish they were. It’s Bound Radical’s doing. He was there when I woke up. Totem was too.

Moonshine wasn’t.

After I dealt with being conscious again and tried to ignore the country in my head, Totem and Bound Radical filled me in on what had happened since I’d been out. I woke up about a week after the attack, as it turned out. After they heard about the attack (naturally, it made the evening news), Totem sent Bound Radical a contact and they met up to deal with Synergy. Totem because of his protectiveness about me, Radical because I dunno, who knows why he does anything?

I’m pretty sure they blew up his lab in the process. They said or at least heavily implied that Synergy had died too, but kept dodging my questions about his body. Because if you’re going to try to kill a supervillain, you always make sure you find the body. My paranoia about that keeps niggling back through my headache. I keep thinking Dr. Synergy’s gonna come bursting through the door and…well. Worse than what he’s already done.

It’s in my nightmares too. Totem hasn’t left my side since I woke up, and he tells me all about how I wake up screaming in the middle of the night. Y’know, typical post-traumatic stress stuff. Or whatever. He keeps assuring me Synergy’s gone, though. It works for a little while. He makes the nightmares go away for the rest of the night with his comforting and his nicknames and his chocolate milk, but they always come back.

I guess that’ll be a problem for a while.

As for Bound Radical, after I got my bearings with consciousness and had gotten up to speed with what had happened, he gave me my wristbands. He said he’d found them in the ruins of the lab, but not my hands. Then he offered me hands of his own invention. Robotic hands. Like in Star Wars. He even offered them at half-price, before Totem threatened him into donating them to me.

Getting them past hospital security was a hell of a ride, and then getting them on was another hell of a ride. I’m still getting used to them. I’m having Totem spellcheck when I’m done with it, so it looks all nice and proper.

Luckily, I haven’t turned into Darth Vader yet. But given how much of me is broken, I’m beginning to think that’s a real possibility.

Moonshine is gone too. I haven’t seen her since those flashes I barely remember. She was nowhere in sight when Totem and Bound Radical showed up at the laboratory either, but they did say that Dr. Synergy was all bloodied and bruised up. His coat even had bloodstains all over it.

I’ve been filling my pretty little head up with images of what happened to her and where she is. I can’t help it. She’s my best friend. My partner. She should damn well be here for me.

Totem’s been scouring the news and the internet (because thank god, this hospital has an internet connection) for any sign of her, but nothing yet. When I see her, I am gonna be pissed. I am pissed. But I try not to focus on it. Too much.

Moonshine. Please. If you read this, come see me. I need you.


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