All I seem to talk about are nightmares and sadness here. A lot of my life has been those things lately. It wasn’t always this way, though. Before all the obsessive freaks and the walking 70s and 90s stereotypes, before Moonshine’s mom got brain cancer, before her dad disappeared, Moonshine and I were actually pretty happy once.
I just woke up from another nightmare. Another all-expenses-paid guilt-trip, courtesy of my conscience. I’m not gonna talk about it. I’m tired of this blog being nothing but my silly little angst all the time. I’m just gonna say that it involved what happened with Dr. Synergy the other day. You know the “painting” he mentioned in his blog? It wasn’t a painting. And you know the red paint he mentioned? It wasn’t fucking paint.
The next time I see him, I’m not gonna hold back for the sake of mercy. He needs to be dealt with. So the next time I see him, I’m gonna stop pussying around and deal with him already. I swear.
Meanwhile. Happy things! Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens! I don’t actually like either of those things. Rain, yes. Cats, hell yes. I wish I had a cat. I wish I had someone around the headquarters when Moonshine’s not here. Like right now. I’m glad she’s not off getting drunk again, but she’s still gone. She’s been at the hospital with her mom ever since the new moon. I didn’t want to go.
Her mom dying still reminds me of my parents dying, especially what with all of those wounds being ripped wide open lately. Graver and the Trinity and them. It makes me kind of a hypocrite, because she seemed like she actually needed me there with her. She all but said it.
In a perfect world, Moonshine and I would be there for each other whenever we needed someone. In a perfect world, being superheroes would be easy and you wouldn’t have to make life or death decisions that lead to practically killing a girl in self-defense. In a perfect world, my parents would never have died and Moonshine and I wouldn’t even be Solar Girl and Moonshine.
I said I wasn’t going to do this. I guess I lied. Because it’s not a perfect world and I’m not a perfect person. I’m a hypocrite and a liar and a selfish friend and I guess I kind of hate myself for it. I’m sorry, Moonshine. I just. I can’t be there. Any other thing you need from me and I’ll do it. But not that. Not right now.
We weren’t always like this. I mean, she’s always been bipolar like this, but we used to actually have fun together. We used to spend time together because we liked it, not because it was our job and we had an obligation to keep doing it. I remember I used to convince her to skip out on school with me because she was too smart for it anyway. We went running around our little penthouses and apartment buildings, bothering all the other tenants until we got dizzy and collapsed on the floor, laughing in each other’s arms.
We don’t do that anymore. She barely laughs at all. We used to have this dynamic, even when we started fighting crime. Back when it was just muggers and gangs. It was like something out of a Tarantino movie, I tell you. We talked about the strangest things in the middle of battle. But we don’t talk like that anymore. And I think that’s what makes me the saddest.
I dunno what went wrong. Somewhere along the line, she just lost herself. We’re still fighting crime and that’s awesome, but it feels like we’re just going through the motions. Like nothing even really matters anymore.
I’m gonna go out on patrol again today, like I normally do, I guess. Alone, like I normally do. Well, unless you count all these silly little wannabe heroes and villains. According to their blogs, Bound Radical and Dr. Synergy were together for a few days and then they broke up. So that means Radical’s still out there. Right along with all the others I haven’t had direct confrontations with yet, like Daddy Issue and the Hypno-Terrorist.
And thank god I haven’t met the Hypno-Terrorist yet. That would be really bad. For him. I have this issue about people having that kind of control over me. I know some hypnotism is probably beneficial and helps people stop smoking or get to sleep when they have insomnia or whatever, but, especially with someone like Hypno-Terrorist, I just don’t like it. The minute I see him in person, I’m probably gonna end up punching his lights out by habit.
So. Hypno-Terrorist. If you’re reading this. Don’t come at me, bro.
That’s all for today. Later, losers.